World's Dumbest Criminals

This story was told to me by a great friend of mine.  She is one of the characters and I'm changing the names to protect the guilty.  There are three main characters to the story.  We have:
Michelle (my friend)
Jim (her ex-boyfriend)
Bart (his best friend)
 
Michelle and Jim shared an apartment.  Life was happy, nothing too terrible going on, but as life goes, drama must occur.  Michelle worked hard at her job, pulling double shifts often to pull in the money and Jim had his steady job.  Michelle came home from work one night, not quite ready to hit the sack where Jim was sleeping peacefully.  What to do?  She decided it was time to write in her journal so she quietly went into their room and pulled her journal and a pen from her dresser drawer.
 
"What's that?"  Jim sleepily asks.
 
"It's my journal.  I'm going to the living room.  Go back to sleep." 
 
She goes to the living room and sits watching music videos and writing about her day, venting about customers and the jerk who cut her off, you know, meaningless stuff.  Her writing is personal to her though, and anyone reading her journal would be invading her privacy.  As she is done, she thinks, "He's going to read my journal.  I know it."  She pulls a hair from her head, lays it across the page and tests her trick.  The hair won't fall out unless the journal is opened.  Now she'll know.
 
The next day is rather uneventful.  Jim has the day off and Michelle leaves for work.  She works a double shift again and comes home to see Jim sitting in the living room, flipping through the channels.  She goes to their room quickly and checks the journal.  Sure enough, the hair is missing. 
 
Michelle walks back into the living room to face Jim.  "So what did you do today?"  She asks nicely.
 
"Not much.  Just sat around watching TV."  Jim replies.
 
"What time did you read my journal?"  She is still giving him a chance to answer honestly.
 
"I didn't read your journal."
 
"I didn't ask if you read my journal, I asked what TIME did you read my journal."
 
"I didn't read your journal."  He lies again.
 
"Well, I worked a long day, and you're lying to me, I'm going to bed."
 
Michelle is not someone you want mad at you.  I learned everything I know about arguing from her.  I've seen her boyfriends cringe in the corner of a room, scared of the logic and vicious rhetoric she uses.  And the daggers from her eyes!  Wow.  I'm in awe every time I see her in full action.  Jim got lucky that night.
 
The next night Michelle goes to work again and goes out afterwards, 'forgetting' to turn off her cell phone.  She's avoiding Jim for the time being to avoid saying something she doesn't want to.  This goes on for a couple of days.
 
On Friday, Jim calls her at work.  During her shift.  Here's the conversation:
 
M:  Hello.
 
J:  Hi.  I need you to turn on your phone tonight.
 
M:  Tell me why.
 
J:  I just need you to turn on your phone.
 
M:  Tell me why.
 
J:  Just do it.
 
M:  Tell me why!
 
J:  I might need a little help.
 
M:  What?
 
J:  I might need to call you.
 
M:  Why?
 
J:  Bart asked me to take his truck.
 
M:  So?
 
J:  He wants me to TAKE his truck.
 
M:  Don't do it.
 
J:  Just turn on your phone.
 
M:  I can't believe you're planning on insurance fraud.
 
J:  Just turn on your phone.
 
She hangs up on him. 
 
Michelle continues her shift at work and now we start to see what Jim is up to.
 
The idiot decided to take Bart's truck.  He did it.  The plan is for Jim to take the truck, Bart to come pick up Jim in his girlfriend's car, and then call in a stolen vehicle report.  I guess Bart couldn't pay NABABNA anymore for the truck and wanted out of the deal.  Jim held up to his end of the bargain.  He took the truck up to an abandoned field and torched the vehicle.  I mean torched it.  He actually did a good job of arson.  There is no way this vehicle can be repaired.  As he's leaving the scene, he lost his cell phone.  That's right.  He lost his cell phone.  Now he can't call Bart to get him.  Bart knows where he is, this isn't a big deal.  Meanwhile, Bart's girlfriend gets pissed off at him and takes off in her car.  Bart cannot go get Jim.  He has already called in the stolen vehicle report and is now frantically trying to find another buddy to give him a ride to go get Jim without giving up the story. 
 
After about 10 calls, he finds a ride and gets Jim.  The plan works.  Amazingly enough, up to this point, the plan is working.  The boys get back to the house and the police call. 
 
Police:  We found your truck.  We have some bad news.  It's been torched.
 
Bart:  Oh man.
 
Police:  Did you lose your cell phone?
 
Bart:  No.  I have my phone.
 
Police:  We found a phone near the truck.
 
Bart:  You know, my buddy was riding with me earlier today.  Maybe he left it in the truck.
 
Police:  That makes sense.  We filled out the report and you can contact your insurance company.
 
Bart:  Okay.  Thanks. 
 
They hang up.  Again, the plan is working.  The police actually bought the story about the cell phone and Bart is clear.  They should have left it here.  But what happens?  Bart and Jim get paranoid.  Bart starts freaking out and Jim does nothing to stop this.  Bart decides to call the police back.
 
Bart:  I want to cancel my stolen vehicle report.
 
Police:  Why?
 
Bart:  I asked my friend to take my truck.
 
Police:  Okay.
 
Bart:  Can he have his cell phone back?
 
Police:  Sure, why don't you boys come on down to the station and we'll give it back.
 
Bart:  Okay.  Thanks!
 
Here's the idiot part.  Bartles and James go to the police station.  That's right.  The drive to the station to pick up the phone.  When they walk in, they confess to everything and Jim uses his one call to call Michelle.
 
J:  I'm in jail.
 
M:  Good.
 
J:  Can you call my mom and arrange bail?
 
M:  Yes.
 
J:  It's Friday night.  I can't get out until Monday morning.
 
M:  Good.
 
J:  Okay.  Bye.
 
M:  Bye.
 
Monday morning arrives and Michelle arrives at the police station with Jim's mom to get him out of jail.  His mother gives him the classic lecture and then leaves.  Michelle is left standing with Jim, fuming at the idiot for screwing up his life and hers.  Her response to him was:
 
"So, when did you read my journal?"
 
Jim lowers his head, knowing he is defeated.  There is no out anymore.  "Okay, I read your journal.  I'm sorry."
 
M:  Alright, now we can deal with everything else.  Why, WHY would you do this to me?
 
J:  I didn't do this to you.
 
M:  Oh, oh yes you did.  I'm counting on you to pay half the rent and I'm planning on spending my life with you, why, why would you do this to me?
 
J:  Whatever.
 
Needless to say, Michelle and Jim broke up.  He did try three weeks later to mend things by saying, "You should be over this by now."  Not a good thing to say to Michelle.  Especially after he threatened to kill her cat.  He turned a little bit psycho.  Jim and Bart both went in front of a judge and got their punishment.  Jim moved out and Michelle's life is back to normal.  Or as close as it can get.