NABABNA - Providing checking accounts, loans and a swift kick to the head

Working in the banking industry, I have realized many things, including the fact that certain people should not be allowed to having checking accounts.  Here at NABABNA, I routinely deal with calls from people who have used the following excuses for being overdrawn (Because I want to keep my job, I don't say what I want to them. I wait until I get the chance to blog. What I want to say is in italics):
 
"I'm too busy to keep a register. I work for a living." "Oh, and I don't?  Well, I hope you earn a lot of money at your job.  Because I'm not reversing your fees.  Moron."
 
"It's not my fault that I'm overdrawn.  I checked the automated system and it told me that my balance was $53.05.  So I went shopping.  The automated system was wrong!  You people lie!" "Okay, repeat after me.  The automated system can only tell you what has posted or is pending to your account.  Since the automated system is not psychic, it does not know that you wrote out a $43 check out two days ago."
 
"Well, the ATM machine gave me the money.  If I was overdrawn, I shouldn't have been able to withdraw any money."  "First of all, you withdrew the money from a non-NABABNA ATM.  Because it isn't in the NABABNA network, it has no idea how much money you have.  Second of all, do you really want us following you around and saying 'Oh, no, don't make that withdrawal.  You don't have the money for it.'  No, I didn't think so."
 
With that all said, there's a reason why I am sometimes lenient and will reverse a fee for those customers that will admit that they made a mistake and don't call in every time they get a fee.   And that reason is that I, myself, am an idiot.  The following numbers are the result of my attempt to keep a ledger.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid. 
 

• Starting balance.......$80.00
• Minus SA...................$11.34
• Subtotal.....................$68.36
• Minus Carmike........$11.00 (pop and popcorn for Dodgeball for 2)
• Subtotal....................$77.36
• Minus Chalet...........$10.00 ($4 for pop. $6 tip.)
• Subtotal...................$67.36
• Minus Carmike.......$7.50 (matinee tickets for Dodgeball for 2)
• Subtotal...................$59.86
• Perkins.....................$18.00
• Total.........................$41.86

I handed my register to Keem and asked her to check my figures. Then I watched her and Beth disolve into helpless laughter. What is wrong (other than the fact that I spent more money on concessions than the actual movie) is, I am sure, painfully obvious to all people who are not me, my actual total should have been $22.16.  I, apparently, need someone to follow me around. Of course, the difference between myself and the NABABNA customers is that when I get an overdraft fee, I don't whine about it.