Too Much Information

Once upon a time I took a call from a very nice gentleman who had a very traumatic experience and needed to file a claim regarding fraudulent activity on his account.  This customer had visited an ATM and was kidnapped at gun point.  He was forced to withdraw money from the ATM and then held captive at his home for several days.  While I was filing the report, I had to ask him questions for a form I was required to fill out.
 
The customer answered my questions and then started providing information I didn't need for the form and didn't really want to know.  The italics are when I have quickly pressed the mute button.
 
I had just asked the customer (C) for a description of the assailant.  Here is his response:
 
C:  There was two of them.  They were huge.  Like football players.  I'm just a little guy.  They were really big.  They were black.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm not predjudiced, but these guys were black.  They raped me, you know.
DM:  Uh, no, I didn't know that.  I'm very sorry to hear that, sir.  That's horrible.
C:  You heard about black men, right?  About their really big areas, if you know what I mean.  Well, the stories are all true.  These guys were huge.
DM (rocking back and forth in horror):  Why, why is he telling me this?  Oh, sir, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
C:  It wouldn't have been so bad if they would have used lubricant.  But they didn't.  So I didn't like it at all.  I wouldn't have minded so much if they would have used some lotion.  I might have liked it then.  They were really big.  I guess you would say they were good looking. 
DM:  Oh, my God!  This is too much information!  Have you called the police, sir?
C:  I suppose I should do that. 
DM:  That would be a good idea, sir.
 
Another fraud call came from an older gentleman.
 
DM:  Well, I'd be happy to place a freeze on your checking account, sir.  We want to make sure that no one can use your account fraudulently.
C2:  That's good.  I appreciate that.
DM:  Let me explain what is going to happen to your account...(customer begins talking)
C2:  See, I'm...well, I was lonely.  And I had her over to my apartment.  Do you know what a one night stand is?
DM:  Um, yes, sir, I do.
C2:  I guess I shouldn't have believed that someone that young was interested in me.  I'm 73.  How old are you?
DM:  Okay, sir, I'm going to place a freeze on your account and...
C2:  I met her at the bar.  Did I mention I was lonely?   
DM:  Okay, well, about this freeze...
C2:  She was young.  She was probably 25 and had a nice, well, chest area.
DM:  Oh, dear God in Heaven, where do you people come from?  Sir, I need to place this freeze now.  You may want to call the police when we're done.
C2:  Okay.

 
The mute button is a wonderful, wonderful invention.