My first Moron Mouth post from the new call center

Sigh. I was hoping to avoid these but, really, did I think I would escape the craziness that is customers?

Anyway, as you may or may not know, I am not working at the banking call center anymore. I am now working in the stock holders call center. I am still in training right now but, as part of our training, they have us answering the calls from shareowners that have questions about stock splits or other types of corporate actions. Now, we're not the corporations that the customers hold stock with. We are just the service area. But yet, we still get the brunt of their wrath over whatever is going on with their company.

I have heard a lot of people say "This is so stupid. Why are they doing this?" I have heard "Well, you better tell them to stop this (This is similar to suggesting that I call Donald Trump and tell him I don't like that he's firing all of these people. Not going to happen)."

But the best one, the reason why I am posting today, is what has been happening when old people and automated systems meet. I answer the phone.

DM: Stock Holding Services (yes, I'm still being tricky). This is Dana. How may I help you?
Stock Holder (SH): Beep. Boop. Long Pause. Beep (They are trying to enter in either their account number or their social security number).
DM: Stock Holding Services...
SH: Beeeeeeeeep.
DM: Stock...
SH: Beepbeepbeep.
DM: Stock Holding Ser...
SH: Beep. Boop. Beep.
DM: Stock Holding Services. This is Dana. How may I help you?
SH: I need some information.
DM: Okay, I'd be happy to help you. May I have your account information?
SH: Well, I entered it in. Didn't you get it?
DM: I apologize. It sounded like you were trying to enter that in so I didn't get the information.
SH: Oh.

That's what I say. What I really want to say is "I'm sorry. My ear is not able to translate beeps yet. I'm working on getting that training though."

And there is still the people that want to give you too much information. For example, Small Business changed it's name about twenty years ago to Larger Business. Now Larger Business is in the process of doing a stock split. All of our customers are now calling, frantic because their stock certificates still have the name Small Business on them. Usually you can explain that it's still the same stock and it's nothing to worry about it. But sometimes you get those people that just won't let you talk. For example:

DM: Thank you for calling Stock Holding Services. This is Dana. How may I help you?
Frantic Female (FF): I am having a problem. I went to the safe and I don't have Larger Business, I only have Small Business. What do I do?
DM: I'd be happy to explain that...
FF: Did you know that they had a name change?
DM: Yes, I'd be...
FF: I guess I didn't pay attention. I knew there was a name change but I didn't pay attention to it, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
DM: Well, I can certainly...
FF: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. What am I going to do? Is my stock lost?
DM: If I could...
FF: Why aren't you answering me? Don't you know what happened?
DM: Ma'am, I'm trying...
FF: I stood in that little booth and I almost had diarrhea when I realized I had the wrong stock.
DM: Oh, you did not just say that. Ma'am, I'd like to help you. If I could get your account information, I can help you with this situation.
FF: Don't you have it?

Finally, I get her identified and explain the situation. Then I listen to her tell me how stupid she is and she feels so dumb and she has a PHD and she shouldn't be so stupid and gosh, she's really stupid.

This should be a two minute call. With her, it took 10 minutes. So, if any customers stumble onto this website, believe me when I say that I'm only telling you this for your own good. Shut the hell up! I'm trying to help you.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed today's post. I hope to have another one soon.