Mr. Explicative and I

It was a match made somewhere far away from Heaven. Mr. Explicative (Mr. E from now on) did not seem to like me or anyone from NABABNA very much. It is an extreme situation when I will disconnect a customer, and Mr. E is the only one in over 4 1/2 years. That means in over 2,000 escalated calls, I hung up on one. I did it for his safety. Really.

Being that I spoke to him over the phone, I can only imagine his facial expressions and his lewd gestures. I imagine a man with a red face. I imagine that red turning deeper and deeper shades, approaching purple. His arms had to been flailing wildly and I wonder if anyone passing him on the street thought he was an escaped mental patient. His angry was apparent and it would not surprise me if his imaginary friend ended up in the hospital that day since he couldn't actually hit a NABABNA employee.

One of the bankers, Jackie, got the opportunity to speak to Mr. E before I did. I have translated some of the words he used to show how silly his rhetoric truly was and also to keep this a family-friendly post. I started listening to Jackie's call because her end suggested a customer out of control. Here is what I heard:

E: Cow dootie! Fudge your fudging burro you goddess! Jesus Saves! I want my fudging card right fudging now you fudge face!
J: Mr. E, please speak in a professional manner.
E: Fudge you! You waste extraction point! Jesus Saves! You goddess! Fudge this. I hate your fudging bank!
J: Sir, please control your language. I want to help you.
E: Fudge you! Cow dootie! COW DOOTIE!

At this point, I made Jackie place the gentleman on hold and transfer him to me. She did not have to deal with this type of call.

B: Thank you for holding Mr. E. My name is Beth and I'm a supervisor. I asked Jackie to transfer you to me.
E: Good. That goddess! You goddess! I want my fudging card you fudging goddess!
B: Mr. E, that language is not acceptable. Please refrain from the use of profanity.
E: Fudge you!
B: Mr. E, I want to help you but I will not allow that language.
E: Cow dootie! COw DOOtie! COW DOOTie! COW DOOTIE! COW DOOTIE! (Note, the escalation of the caps is supposed to demonstrate the escalation of his words.)
B: If this language continues, I will disconnect the call.
E: Fudge you! Fudge you! Fudge you! Hail all this cow dootie! You goddess. I want my fudging card and I want it right fudging now!
B: For the second time, I am warning you if this language persists, I will disconnect the call.
E: COW DOOTIE! COW DOOTIE! COW DOOTIE! I can say anything I want, COW DOOTIE!
B: Mr. E, if we were speaking in person, the police would have arrested you by now for disturbing the peace. You are speaking with a business and a professional tone is expected.
E: Fudge you right up your fudging waste extraction point! Jesus Saves! Purgatory! COW DOOTIE!
B: Again Mr. E, this language is not tolerable. Please control yourself. If this continues, I will disconnect the call and ask that you use that time to calm down and collect yourself.
E: Cow dootie! COw Dootie! COW DOotie! COW DOOTie! COW DOOTIE! COW DOOTIE! COW DOO-

This is where I disconnected the call. I had an image of this man having a stroke. From what I gathered, he lost his ATM card and we were unable to hand him a new one over the phone, on a Saturday afternoon. I feel bad because he didn't have a card, but there are other ways to access an account and it's not our fault he lost his card.

If anyone needs a translation chart:

Cow dootie = hopefully you get this one
Fudge = the other F word
Purgatory = that place that's really hot!
Goddess = lovely B word used for females
Jesus Saves! = instead of GD
Goodness! = a curse on someone or something
Waste extraction point = please don't need to know about this body orifice
Burro = the Spanish word for donkey!