These are a few of my favorite things..

I love my job. Truly, I do. My favorite part is the oddest requests or expectations from customers and non-customers alike. My favorite call is from Third Parties. They always assume that we will do anything for them because they are a business. Yeah, that makes me want to help you and go against company policy.

The most common is funds verification. Nope. Can't do it. What they don't realize is that this is not the age of video phones. I know that it is possible, but it is certainly not common. You can tell me that you are from Customer Service From Hell, but I have no way to verify that. "I call to verify this with other banks, why are you the only one that doesn't?" Because we are smarter than all the rest? If I were to do that, and the caller is trying to obtain information about the account for fraudulent use, that would be wrong. They could call with a dummy check number and amount. They keep increasing the amount until we say no. Anyone care to guess at what they now have a general idea about once we do say no? That's right. They now know approximately how much is in the account. Kinda stupid to verify funds, don't you think? The sad part is, more banks will actually verify funds than verify paid items. Since you have to know the check number, dollar amount, account number and maker name that would be more secure. Hmmm....something to think about.

My favorites include a merchant calling to tell us that they found the customer's card and they want us to call them and tell them that they have their card (they do this for checks too...). Unfortunately, I am unable to do this. Security purposes and all that. I understand why they want us to call, however, it just isn't something we are able to do. I also love the third party calls where they say that the customer has given authorization to discuss their account. Why on earth would you have your wife/husband balance your account and then not put them on the account as well? They already have your account information and probably know where you keep your checks or atm card anyway. It's not like I can give them information. And then they argue with you because they can't get the information. HELLO.....what in...you are not a signer on the account did you not understand? This is real money. Not a credit account. Credit accounts have lower risk. It doesn't tie up the funds in your deposit account. If I can release the information to you, I will, but please don't yell at me and expect me to give you information that you are not authorized to have. It will get you nowhere.

Merchants also expect us to be their message service as well.

Ignorant Merchant (IM): My office didn't get some required information from a customer of yours. Here's the account number we have. Call them for me and tell them to call us back.
K: Unfortunately, I am unable to call the customer and request that they call you. The bank is not your message service. Call them yourself and hold your employees accountable for what they didn't get that was required. (I am thinking this, of course)
IM: Aren't you willing to go the extra mile and contact your customer?
K: Since this isn't a bank issue, I am unable to contact the customer on your behalf. Why would I call the customer and go the extra mile for something that you didn't do in the first place? Take responsibility and do it yourself. I am not a message service, nor a researcher for your business. I do not work for you!
IM: Then let me talk to your supervisor! (Keep in mind that she escalated to me on this as well.)

Does she really think that she'll get anywhere with this? I'm happy to go the extra mile for our customers, but if you aren't a customer and you screw up, deal with it yourself and take responsibility for your own screw-ups.

I also love it when you cannot identify a customer. They always say that they understand the security of asking for whatever information we ask for, but if you understand, then why must you argue? If you don't have the information we need to identify you, accept it and call us back with what we need. I don't have the power to see what you look like even if you can fax me a copy of your driver's liscense and I don't think that the bank will pay me to drive to your house and verify it.