Be That As It May

Yesterday I went into work for overtime. Yes, I volunteered to take escalated calls for four hours. What we will do for money...I had two very interesting calls, one right after another.

The first one was a customer who could not be identified. Keem briefly touched on this in another post but I'd like to expand on it, if I may (Eh. It's my blog and I'll post if I want to). Why do people get so upset when we refuse to release information to them if they can't be identified? I don't get it. I will do a separate post someday about some of the stuff we hear.

Anyway, the customer, Ms. Unidentified Doorknob (UD), was throwing a fit because she didn't know any of her account information. The banker introduces her to me and we are off.

UD: I don't understand why you can't use my address, my birthday, my driver's license (Beth pointed out - Hmm, those are all on your driver's license. Someone can steal that.)
DM: I'm sorry, Ms. UD, but unfortunately, I am unable to see your driver's license. However, if you visit the branch, they can assist you there by looking at the license and giving you your account number.
UD: Can I close my account at the branch? I have had nothing but problems with NABABNA. You are stealing my money. You took money out of my account without my authorization.
DM: What do you mean?
UD: I have a loan with you and you took money out of my checking account to pay my loan and I didn't authorize it. You stole my money.
DM: Was the loan delinquent?
UD: Yes. But you just can't take my money.
DM: I'm sorry, Ms. UD, but if you don't make your payments, we do reserve the right to withdraw the money from your account. It's in our disclosures.
UD: Someone said that before and I had them mail me the disclosures and it's not in there.
DM: Yes, it is. It's under Delinquent Accounts (There's a more technical name for it. But it might also give away who NABABNA really is and I'm not taking that chance).
UD: Be that as it may, I have a lawyer.

She hangs up. Okay, I'm sorry. But I really hate the expression "Be that as it may." Because what you're really saying is "I don't care that you have a perfectly logical explanation, I want to do things my way. And it's always said in that really snotty tone. It's the adult version of sticking your tongue out at someone and saying "Nya-nya-nya." And your lawyer is going to read the disclosures and say "Hmm. Looks like they have everything covered here and were within their rights. Now give me lots of money."

The second call was transferred to me by a banker who really tries not to let calls escalate. So when he can't work with the customer, I know the call is going to be a doozy. This was Mr. Whacked Out ((WO) possibly on some really good drugs) and he wanted overdraft fees reversed. Never mind the fact that he continually calls the call center to get his fees reversed.

DM: My name is Dana, Mr. WO. I'm a supervisor and am going to assist you further today.
WO: I wonder why every time I talk to a supervisor, it is always a woman (What? What is that supposed to mean? We occasionally get calls from men who refuse to speak to women supervisors because they feel superior to us and we also, as evidenced in this post, get calls from men who only want to speak to women supervisors. Which type is he going to be?).
DM: I'm not sure. What can I help you with today?

I then sit there for five minutes and listen to Mr. WO talk. He did not pause long enough for me to get a word in edgewise and I'm not sure when he actually took a breath. I got to listen to him tell me how he was disabled because he couldn't remember things and that his card shouldn't work if he doesn't have money and did I think he would have spent the money that overdrew his account if he would have known that he didn't have money and didn't I think that $100 (no, our overdraft fees are not that expensive) was too much to charge when his purchases were only $6.50 and $3.00 and his wife made the purchases because she thought he had made the deposit already and yes, that was his fault but he's disabled and he balanced his checkbook everyday by the automated system but he forgot about a check he wrote a few weeks ago and so he spent the money and that's why they became overdrawn.

Finally, he stops. I am able to speak.

DM: Mr. WO...
WO: I know what you're going to say. You're going to say you're sorry for my frustration and it's going to come out of your butt (Okay, what the hell does that mean?).
DM: Mr. WO, I am sorry for your frustration...
WO: I knew it. I knew you would say that. You sound like (I am waiting for him to say a robot and then he surprises me) Paula Poundstone.
DM: Okay...(What the hell is this?)
WO: That's a compliment. I like Paula Poundstone. You can tell all your friends that I said you sound like Paula Poundstone.
DM: I was going to take it as a compliment. I like her as well.
WO: I used to work in sales. I sold door to door and when the husbands came to the door I knew I had an easy sale. I think that's why there aren't many male supervisors at NABABNA. The females aren't an easy touch. You have a nice day. Bye.

And he's gone.

Now, the thing is, I do feel sorry for Mr. WO. I am sure it is a challenge living with memory loss. However, I wonder, since this has happened many times before (due to the amount of reimbursements he's received in the past), why does his wife trust him to make the deposit?

I am amused by him telling me that I sound like Paula Poundstone. I have, in the past, been told that I look like Roseanne. Why do people use female comics to describe me? Is it because I am so witty and wonderful? Must be.

Anyway, have a nice day. Be that as it may.