Thursday, December 09, 2004

Our 2nd Guest Blogger - Darlene

Okay, everybody, say hello to Darlene. Darlene is the reason why Moron Mouth now has a subscription list. Her blog is at Stop by and say hi.

And now, proof that Morons can be found anywhere, even at popular tourist attractions, here are Darlene's stories.

I worked in a restaurant in a tourist attraction this past summer.

There are several customers who stand out. Three of them I can't publish because they are gross. But here are the other 3:

Customer 1 was feeding the seagulls. I had to go out to try to stop her.

Me (Pointing to a sign which asks customers not to feed seagulls): Ma'am, I need to ask you to stop feeding the seagulls. Feeding them teaches them to not fear people and they attack some of them for their food. Last summer a 3 or 4 year old girl was attacked by a whole flock.

Customer 1: Oh, but I'm not feeding them much (Throws them a french fry while glaring at me).

Me: Please, ma'am. When they steal food the restaurant has to replace it, which raises business costs, which raises prices.

Customer 1 (Holding out a hand of french fries about 3 times what most people give them): Oh, I'm not feeding them much (Throws another fry to them with another glare, daring me to do something).

I asked a third time for her to stop, explaining why again. She replied that she wasn't feeding them much.

Me: Ma'am, how would you feel if you were the little girl who was attacked because of people feeding the seagulls.

Customer 1 (Throws the whole handful at once to the birds): Oh well, I'm done now (Gives me another glare daring me to do something about it).

I walk back into the restaurant and am immediately chastised by a fellow employee for "letting that customer feed the seagulls!"

Situation 2:

I see customers feeding the seagulls again. I go outside and explained the reason that we don't allow that, and tell them about the 3 or 4 year old girl who was attacked by the whole flock. THEY LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY! Yeah, I can see the humour in traumatizing a small child! NOT!

Other situations I posted on my blog:

1. A pot of coffee and a pot of plain hot water were side by side in clear pots. A man pointed to them and asked me which was the coffee!

2. These weren't serious comments, but were comments made by people who heard the question above as snappy answers. First, one said I should have said, "The clear one. It's just very weak." Another person said I should have said, "The clear one is the decaf." And lastly, someone said I should have said, "The clear one is the humane coffee. No beans were harmed in making it."

3. People are not allowed to bring strollers into the animal shows, so one woman asked the aquarium worker if she would watch the kids if she left them in the stroller!

4. One man tried to leave without paying for his coffee. When the manager caught up with him his explaination was, "There was no sign posted so I thought it was free." Then when he was told it was $1.35 he tossed a quarter to the cashier and said that this was close enough!

Thank you for your post, Darlene! I am wondering about the co-worker who yelled at you for "allowing" the customer to feed the seagulls. What were you supposed to do? Tackle the woman? Beat her with the "Do Not Feed The Seagulls" sign? Train the seagulls into attacking her?

Actually, that last one could be interesting. Darlene and her flock of seagulls. You could be like The Penguin on Batman! But you would only work for Good and have the seagulls only attack those who just don't listen to those of us in the Service Industry. Speeches would be made, rallies would be held, statues would be erected in your honor. It would be a better world.

Okay, sorry, going to my dream world again, where being stupid is painful and service workers are treated with respect. Someday it'll happen. Someday...


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