What the heck is with all of these crazy people?

Going through the account and I found that I never published this call. I have no idea what the other calls were about, I only wrote about the one. This post was started on October 1, 2004. Hmm. Not quite a year.

Anyway, sorry we haven't updated in awhile. Beth recently got promoted to a Supervisor (Yay Beth!) and doesn't take escalated calls anymore. And, while I occasionally get a crazy person or two, they aren't that interesting, just insane. Hopefully we'll have more calls in the future. And hey, tax season is less than 3 months away. Oh, my God.

Okay, yesterday was my last day taking escalated calls at NABABNA. It seemed like the powers that be wanted to really reinforce my decision to leave this glamorous job where people screamed at me a lot was a good one because, in the four hours I was scheduled on the phones, I got some of the oddest calls.

I think I took a total of 15 calls. At least 9 of them were escalated. I'm not going to list them all, not all of them were that odd but there were a few that made me want to reach through the phone and stab all of these people with a fork.

Let's visit the madness, shall we? And again, what I'm thinking or what I think the customer is thinking is in italics.

Website Woes

DM: Help Desk, this is Dana, how can I help you?
Babbling Banker (BB): This customer is driving me crazy, they won't shut up and listen to me talk. I'm the star here! I am! I'm trying to explain this procedure to him and he just doesn't get it (She outlines the procedure she is talking about. She's wrong).
DM: Oh, okay. I'd be happy to help you with that. You idiot. Look in your manual. It's right there (I explain what she needs to do).
BB: (Dead silence)
DM: Was there anything else I can help you with?
BB: Well, yeah, he wants to talk to my supervisor. Duh.
DM: Ah. I'm sorry, you didn't mention this was an escalated call.
BB: Yeah, I did. Bitch.
DM: No, BB, I'm sorry. You did not. You said you were trying to explain the procedure to him. I would be happy to take the call but would you be willing to, in the future, let us know right away that it's an escalated call? Otherwise we think you're asking us how you should handle the call and don't realize the customer is holding for a supervisor.
BB: Fine. I'll do that. Can I bring him on the line? You bitch! How dare you talk to me like that. I'm the star here!

She brings the customer on the line, I introduce myself.

DM: I understand you have some questions about overdraft fees.
Internet Genius (IG): No. I have questions about why your online banking site. I checked this site at 10:00 PM, right before I went to bed and I had money in my account. Now I am overdrawn. How is this possible? Your site is wrong. This is horrible.
DM: I'm sorry you feel that way, sir. Are you referring to the fact that you did not see check #123 on your account yesterday?
IG: Yes. Why couldn't I see that item? You people! Ripping me off! Monetary Money!
DM: I'd be happy to explain this to you. The reason you could not see this item is because it is a check. The online website will show you any electronic item that is coming through your account. It will not show you paper items until we finish processing them.
IG: You haven't finished processing by 10 PM? How slow is that?
DM: Actually, sir, you wouldn't be able to see paper items until the following day, after our systems have completed updating.
IG: I checked at 10 PM! That's really late!
DM: I understand that, sir. However, as I said, our systems do not update until the following day.
IG: So you're saying that this item came through today.
DM: No. It came in on yesterday's business.
IG: What time? Before 10 PM? I checked at 10 PM!
DM: I realize that, sir. However, our system does not update until the following day. My God, how many times do I need to explain this to you?

I'll tell you how many times I had to explain it to him. 5 times. 5. Five. He did not get it. At all. I finally, in a fit of frustration, said "Look. You're a good customer. You're upset about the fee. I understand that. You made a mistake. It happens. You didn't have the money in your account for all of your purchases, including this check. You probably wrote something down wrong. Or added wrong. Whatever. But don't blame this on our website. Don't accuse us of stealing your money. We can't update our system everytime something comes through your account. It wouldn't work. We'd have to charge you a $100 a day just for having an account with all the extra processing we would do. Okay? Dude? Do you understand me? Just keep better track of your account and Life will be Good again." Okay. I didn't exactly say that. But I was pretty damn close to it. I used a much more customer friendly version of the above speech and reversed his fee. Because he was a good customer and he finally realized that he couldn't blame us for his mistake.